


Wee-Woo

by hushyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ADHD, Autism, Autistic Character(s), Baekhyun is autistic, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Injurous Stims, Sensory Overload, Stimming, and has ADHD, meltdowns, soo is nd too but not the main focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 03:42:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18865003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hushyeol/pseuds/hushyeol
Summary: Baekhyun can tell he feels off, but chooses to ignore it. This ends up not being the best idea he's ever had.





	Wee-Woo

**Author's Note:**

> so! let me preface this by saying i myself am autistic and have adhd, and i wrote baekhyun based off of my own experiences. this started out as a vent fic, but i ended up working on it for three (3) long months :0 this is my very first fic, i hope you enjoy it! ♡
> 
> WARNING! (slight spoiler) there is a pretty explicit scene in which baekyun has a meltdown and engages in self injurous stims. there is no blood, but i understand this may still be upsetting to some people. if you feel this will trigger or upset you in any way, please dont read! stay safe

The sleep warmed sheets are impossibly hot, curled like a hungry snake around Baekhyun's body, entrapping him like its next meal. Still half asleep, he tugs and rolls and flops around uncoordinatedly in an attempt to get comfortable. Eventually deciding the blanket isn't worth the fight, he sets about disentangling himself.

"Fuckin' snakes," he mumbles quietly as he kicks the last of the overheated material off him. He still thinks snakes are sick as hell, though, no matter how sweaty they make him at night. He huffs in relief as the cool air rushes over his skin, ready to get back to sleep when the sound of rustling sheets behind him draws his attention. 

"Fuckin' snakes," Kyungsoo agrees in his grumbling morning voice, draping a heavy arm over his boyfriend. Baekhyun sighs contentedly at the familiar, comforting pressure around him, turning to face the owner of said arm. Kyungsoo squints at him groggily for a moment, then reaches up to fondly wipe the crust from Baekhyun's eyes. 

"Gross," he deadpans, flicking the offending substance over and off Baekhyun's side of the bed. He leans in to gently connect his nose to Baekhyun's in a soft bunny kiss, making his love's eyes sparkle in delight as a big smile fills his face. 

"Not as gross as you," Baekhyun teases when they pull apart, scrunching his nose and wagging his head side to side. His itchy little fingers find their way to the front of Kyungsoo's soft cotton t-shirt, tangling in it securely as he makes wet kissy noises at him and darts in close. Kyungsoo quickly turns his head, expertly dodging and letting the smacking smooch fall on his cheek instead. Baekhyun gasps, affronted. 

"Kiss me," he pouts with his very best puppy eyes, hoping to win Kyungsoo over and make him cave to gross, smelly morning kisses.

"Not til we eat and brush our teeth, dumpster breath," Kyungsoo says, mimicking Baekhyun's earlier nose scrunch in mock distaste before rolling over to grab his phone off the nightstand and check the time. 2:34 p-fucking-m. Only three hours and 26 minutes until they need to be ready and out the door to meet up with their group of friends. 

He sighs, standing from the bed with a languid yawning stretch, then leans back down to pet Baekhyun's hair. A gentle scratch through his scalp causes him to shudder. "It's late, make sure to get out of bed eventually. Meet you in the kitchen?" he asks. Baekyun hums exaggeratedly for a moment in contemplation then nods, and Kyungsoo slips from the room with a small huff of a laugh. The door shuts behind him with a quiet click, the following silence ringing in Baekhyun's ears as he flops back down onto the pillows.

A few long minutes of rolling around in a now boyfriend devoid mattress later, Baekhyun melts from the bed with a long whine into a pile on the floor, mattress springs groaning in protest. Standing slowy, he reaches his arms toward the ceiling, stretching to his tippy toes and letting out a satisfied little yelp as his joints pop. With one last deep yawn, he exits the bedroom to join Kyungsoo in the kitchen.

 

~ ~ ~

 

"-hyun?" Baekhyun snaps his head up from where he was watching the milk swirl around his cereal bowl, hypnotic little waves catching his eyes and locking on. Kyungsoo's voice is calling him from across the kitchen, and he lets his spoon clang back into the ceramic when he realizes he hasn't heard a word that had been uttered.

Kyungsoo gives him a small patient smile, walking over to take the bowl from in front of Baekhyun. "I was asking if you wanted to watch TV after breakfast," he repeats.

"Mmmmmhm!" Baekhyun hums enthusiastically. He looks up into Kyungsoo's dark eyes and wiggles happily at the thought of a few hours of nothing but lazy couch cuddles. 

Sometimes, Baekhyun's love for his amazing boyfriend spills like an overfull sink, threatens to burst his heart in his chest like he filled it with pop rocks and coke. He squirms a little and squeaks to let the feeling out, biting his bottom lip with a smile. Said boyfriend leans down, adoration painted on his face, to place a warm kiss on his upturned forehead before making his way back to the sink with Baekhyun's bowl of cereal dyed brown milk.

After the dishes from breakfast are done and they've brushed their teeth, Baekhyun eagerly pulls Kyungsoo to the couch still in their pajamas to have him fulfill his earlier promise of a kiss. Kyungsoo sighs heavily in playful exasperation, but humors him all too readily. His warm steady hand caresses the back of Baekhyun's neck as the other falls to his hip, pulling him closer and licking at his lips. Baekhyun sighs contentedly into the connect of their lips and opens his mouth further, allowing Kyungsoo entry as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. 

Kyungsoo always kisses him like he's trying to steal the breath from his lungs, like he's trying to share his own. Baekhyun can't get enough. His hands find their way to Kyungsoo's warm waist, holding on firmly. Warm midday sunlight spills in from the windows and illuminates the room in a soft glow. They slowly taper off, long and slow swipes of tongue turning into little pecking kisses before they disconnect, all warm cheeks and wet lips. 

Baekhyun steals one last kiss before he worms his way into Kyungsoo's side, nuzzling at his chest and smiling up at his amused expression. "What do you want to watch?" Kyungsoo asks him, unable to resist reaching up to play with Baekhyun's still sleep tossled hair. 

"I dunno, what're you thinking?"

"Food channel?" Kyungsoo suggests, their default on most days.

"Fuck yeah," Baekhyun approves, pulling his legs tighter underneath him on the soft beige fabric of the couch. Kyungsoo reaches for the remote and turns on the TV, the shrill hum of electricity filling Baekhyun's ears shortly after the click of the button before Kyungsoo flips through the channels.

As they criticize a contestant who's selfishly using the ice cream machine for far too long, Baekhyun reaches for Kyungsoo's hand. "But I mean seriously, what the hell kind of production only provides *one* ice cream machine? They know damn well what kind of drama they're whipping up," he complains as he tugs on Kyungsoo's fingers, scraping their nails together, squeezing gently at the entirety of his broad hand intermittently. A few moments later, he lets one of his legs fall off the couch and to the ground, bouncing his knee rapidly.

Then the squirming begins. The climax of the episode is upon them, and Baekhyun feels agitation fill him with every rushed cooking slip up and loud sound coming from the speakers. He draws his extended leg back under himself, readjusting his position again and again. Kyungsoo notices his discomfort and slowly cards calming fingers through his hair, Baekhyun leaning into the touch with a hum. Upon a few repeats of this, a bit of the tension that had built up leaves his shoulders, and he sinks into the sturdy chest next to him again. A kiss is planted to the top of Baekhyun's head, and he gives a little yip of approval at the loving treatment. 

"You doing alright?" Kyungsoo questions softly from above him. 

Baekhyun considers this for a second. He does have this weird itchy feeling under his skin, this unnamed agitation crawling up in his throat. But it's a small feeling, one he can ignore if he tries. He nods, nuzzling his way further into Kyungsoo's firm chest as another episode begins. 

Kyungsoo isn't quite convinced, but settles back with an arm around Baekhyun nonetheless.

Two more hours pass like this, little conversations filling commercial breaks, and Baekhyun's agitation only kept at bay by Kyungsoo's calming hands and soft words. He already feels slightly exhausted despite not having done much at all today. He would nap if Kyungsoo would let him. Maybe he will. Does he even have time? It feels like six hours have passed, like they only sat down 5 minutes ago. Like he's been watchig the food channel all his life. His head spins a little as he turns his face to Kyungsoo. "Do I have time for a nap?"

Right as he asks, Kyungsoo's phone alarm goes off on the coffee table. The screen lights up with the current time, 5 o'clock. No time left to nap, apparently.

He sighs.

Kyungsoo grabs his phone quickly to stop the repetitive buzzing, patting Baekhyun's thigh reassuringly. Leaving one lingering kiss to his temple, he stands and heads toward the bathroom before turning to look at Baekhyun's sullen face. "Want to shower together?" he offers in an attempt to cheer him up, knowing how he takes delight in having another person with him under the warmth of the shower spray. Craves the intimacy of it. Predictably, Baekhyun shoots up with a shouted "Yes!" and quickly follows after Kyungsoo, already shedding his clothes.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Back in the bedroom, Baekhyun picks up the shirt of the outfit he had set out the night prior, eyeing it warily when the fabric of the sweater catches on his fingers. It was a gift from Kyungsoo's parents, made of a good quality wool and thick to boot. The cableknit pattern was exactly what you would expect the people who raised Kyungsoo to gift him, ever the practical type. He is a bit cautious about it, but he wants to at least wear it once to show that he appreciates it, doesn't want to seem ungrateful. He is determined to wear it tonight. With one last warning glare at the garment and a deep breath, he slides it on over his head, eyes screwed tightly closed as he slips his arms into the sleeves. There, that's not so ba-

It hurts.

It fucking *hurts*.

It's like sandpaper against his sensitive skin, like fiberglass was woven into a sweater instead of wool. Biting his lip harshly, he attempts to readjust the sweater, maybe that'll help. His eyes go unfocused, throat tightening on a whine. 

When Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun's distressed voice, he calls out a concerned "Baek? What's wrong?" from the bathroom where he was styling his hair, wiping the remainder of the sticky gel left on his hands off onto a towel. Getting no reply, he hurries to the bedroom to find Baekhyun pulling at the sweater roughly, huffing and whimpering in distress as he tries, to no avail, to fix the sweater. Kyungsoo carefully approaches him, coming to stand in front of him. 

"Baekhyun?" 

When his voice reaches the man's ears, his head lifts and he looks Kyungsoo in the mouth as another whine escapes from his throat. Pulling at the shirt again, close to crying from the feeling of it, he hopes his boyfriend will understand and help him. Kyungsoo does, thankfully. 

"Is it okay for me to help you out of the sweater?" he asks tentatively, hands hovering above Baekhyun's frame without actually touching. 

"Okay?" Baekhyun repeats as he nods frantically, offering his arms to Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo, instead, gently grips the bottom hem of the sweater and swiftly pulls Baekhyun out. Upon being freed, he immediately reaches out for Kyungsoo, sliding arms around his neck and pressing in close. Kyungsoo lifts him with a hand on his butt and an arm around his now bare waist, guiding them to sit on the mattress. With a lap full of upset boyfriend, he rocks side to side and presses gentle kisses to every part of Baekhyun's face he can reach with said face smushed in his neck. Baekhyun lets out a small whimper, shakily guiding Kyungsoo to hold him tighter and Kyungsoo complies, applying the pressure Baekhyun seems to be craving. He hums, kissing and rocking and holding his love, content to do this all day if that's what he needs. But his distressed breathing peters out into something steadier, calmer, and soon enough he's pressing a small kiss to Kyungsoo's neck, nuzzling up under his chin as Kyungsoo keeps rocking them. 

"You alright?" Kyungsoo carefully brushes a strand of hair from Baekhyun's face as he speaks. Baekhyun hums a yes, turning and smashing his nose into Kyungsoo's neck again, inhaling the lingering scent of soap from their shower earlier. "Want to put on a shirt?" Baekhyun nods, giggling quietly as he notices the chill bumps over his arms.

"You okay to stay here or do you want to come with me?" Baekhyun clings tighter at the thought of being left behind, manages to find his words again to breathe out a quick "With you."

They stand together, Baekhyun plastered to Kyungsoo's back and shuffling behind him like he's trying to become a koala but doesn't want to commit fully. At their destination, the dresser, Kyungsoo ruffles about in a drawer before presenting a garment and asking "Is this one okay?"

The shirt he holds is one of Baekhyun's most trustworthy, long sleeved, oversized, and made of a cloud soft cotton, nothing to catch unpleasantly. Baekhyun nods, humming happily as he reaches for it. Reluctantly pulling away from Kyungsoo's warmth, he slips it on over his head and sighs in relief at the familiar softness. Tugging the sleeves down, he swings his arms around a little, happy to be done with the sweater ordeal and be in a shirt that doesn't make him want to peel his own skin off. He scrubs at his arm in memory of it.

"Do you want to stay in today? I can text everyone and tell them we can't make it, I'm sure they'll understand and we can reschedule," Kyungsoo offers, pulling Baekhyun into his arms again. Baekhyun immediately shakes his head. "Are you sure?" Kyungsoo questions, traces a gentle hand up his back and into his hair to scratch gently.

Baekhyun tilts his head into the touch contentedly, then glances at the clock behind Kyungsoo with wide eyes and a gasp before pulling away from his embrace and racing to the door to hurriedly slip his feet into his shoes. Kyungsoo shakes his head with a small smile, following after Baekhyun with a nagging worry at the back of his mind.

 

~ ~ ~

 

He knew he made a mistake coming out the second he walked in the door. 

Everything is so loud. Somewhere near them a middle aged man is complaining loudly about the food, most likely attempting to get his meal free. Baekhyun's eyebrow twitches. There's also a group of gruff looking men causing a ruckus with their coarse, dry laughs, and booming voices. At Baekhyun's own table, Chanyeol is laughing in joy at a joke someone must have told, smacking his palm on the table and making the silverware jump and clatter. Baekhyun's overfull soda sloshes onto his hand with the movement. The rest of the table laughs along with him, conversation flowing easily and happily. Baekhyun scrubs at his thigh. Every word and sound around him bleeds together, indecipherable and abrasive. The overhead lights are too bright yet too dim, flickering and making him sick. Beside him, Kyungsoo places a hand on his thigh, leans in close to whisper to him, deep voice leaking into his ears all garbled and chopped up.

Baekhyun shakes his head, stands abruptly and excuses himself to the bathroom, his own voice bubbling out like it's coming from under water. He shuffles from their booth quickly, tripping over his feet in his haste to get to the bathroom. He can feel the frustrated tears welling up, wills them not to fall until the heavy metal of the bathroom door slams closed behind him, echoing off the tiled walls. He manages one, two shaky breaths before the tears fall, soft quiet sobs filling the bathroom along with the muffled commotion of the restaurant. With sleeve covered hands pressed to his watery eyes, he twists his body side to side, tries to get a hold of himself.

He had wanted to come out, thought he could make it through today. He had missed his friends so much, weeks now of being unable to see them manifesting as a lonely ache in his chest. He had ignored his own distress, forced himself out, and now here he is. Crying in a public bathroom, on the edge of a meltdown because he refused to acknowledge his limits. He knows better, knows his friends wouldn't mind rescheduling, knows Kyungsoo would be happy to stay at home all day with him. He lets out another, harsher sob, heart wrenching in his chest. He wants Kyungsoo, wants him so bad. Wants to go back out there, crawl into his arms and ask him to take him home. But it's scary. It's scary and loud and bright and the thought of it makes him dizzy. He's trapped here. Trapped in this filthy, empty bathroom, with no Kyungsoo and only his tears to keep him company.

Just as he feels like his heart is going to shatter to pieces, like his brain is going to leak out through his ears onto the tile beneath his feet, he feels a pair of strong steady arms wrapping around him, pulling him back against a sturdy chest and rocking with him. Kyungsoo.

He lets out a relieved cry, turning around in Kyungsoo's arms and tossing his own around him. Buries his face into the safety of Kyungsoo's neck, blocking out the harsh fluorescent lights of the bathroom and trying to hide away from everything. With Baekhyun's tears staining his shirt, Kyungsoo shushes him gently, rocking them comfortingly and nosing into his temple. Waits for the worst of the tears to pass before pulling away a bit.

"Do you want to go home?" he asks, placing a gentle kiss to Baekhyun's forehead. Baekhyun scrubs a sleeve over his eyes, sniffing. Nods his head.

"Okay, I already put our share of the bill on the table so we can head straight out," he wipes a stray tear from Baekhyun's cheek, gives him an encouraging smile. "Ready to get out of here?" 

Baekhyun nods again, blocking his ears with his hands and following Kyungsoo out of the bathroom. He keeps his eyes trained on Kyungsoo's back, not once allowing them to stray to their cluttered and over occupied surroundings. His hands don't do the best job of muffling the chaos, though, and the crashing of silverware from the kitchen cuts through, making him close his eyes tight and bump into Kyungsoo. When they're out the door, he stands for a second and takes a deep breath of the cool night air, lets his hands fall from his ears and one into Kyungsoo's waiting one, entangling their fingers as they find their way to the car.

The ride back starts off dark, quiet, and calm, until it isn't anymore. Every stoplight they reach feels like it takes longer and longer to turn green, like tiny eternities packed into what should be less than a minute. The radio hisses out static, grating on his ears, and he hurries to slam the power button on the console. Somewhere around them, a car's tires screech harshly on pavement, and Baekhyun nearly screams in frustration. He breathes deep, tries to steady himself.

They're rolling up to another stoplight, only a few more minutes from their house now, when the twin wails of a police siren and an ambulance reach them, soon accompanied by the flashing, disorienting, painful lights piercing through their window. The sirens are all encompassing, rattling Baekhyun's skull, eardrums threatening to burst. He squeezes his eyes closed, covers his ears, rocks frantically with his head bent to his knees in an effort to block it all out. But no matter what he does, he can't, and that's it.

Tears spring to his eyes, and he lets out a loud, pained yell as he snaps his head back hard against the seat behind him, digs it in firmly. Fuck. 

His head shakes hard, side to side, side to side, repeat. He swears he can feel his brain trying to detatch and fly out his nose. His hands fly to his scalp, pulling harshly on his hair and god fucking dammit, it's still not enough. His fingers leave his hair with one last tug, loose strands of ruddy brown stuck between them, and ball into tight fists to strike down on the sides of his head. He pushes his feet firmly into the floor, thrashes and squirms in his seat. His throat already feels raw, like he's come down with a nasty cold.

Beside him, he vaguely registers Kyungsoo's voice, sounding panicked. He doesn't understand a word, and he couldn't respond if he tried. 

He slams his feet down harder, digs them into the floor until his thighs ache. Lifts the inside bone of his wrist to his mouth and clamps down hard and firm with his teeth. His other hand finds his hair again, this time not tugging but holding it in a death grip and staying there.

He stays like this, rocking and writhing and biting at his wrist with tears rolling down his cheeks, for what feels like forever. All he knows is he can still feel it, the lingering bone deep pain of the siren, eyes sore like he's looked at the sun too long. He can still hear the chatter and clanging silverware of the restaurant, broken pieces of conversations echoing in his head. Everything spins around and around, so fast he might be sick. 

He doesn't know how long it takes, but the wave builds before it breaks, passes in small increments. Eventually, he's drawing in a deep and much needed breath, a few more following suit. Slowly his teeth lift from the pearly white indents they left in the purpling skin of his wrist, and his hand falls from his hair, joining it's match to lay limp in his lap. He sniffs, shaking, as he looks up to find that they had made it off of the road and to the driveway of their small home without him noticing. How long have they been sitting here? He glances to his left, and there's Kyungsoo. There's a deep, concerned wrinkle to the draw of his thick brows, wide eyes flickering over Baekhyun's face, searching.

He must find what he's looking for, because he gingerly reaches a hand for Baekhyun's own, uninjured one. He pulls it toward him and lifts it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to each of Baekhyun's knuckles in succession before nuzzling into the skin of his palm and meeting his eyes.

Baekhyun's face crumples again at the tender treatment, and he dives over the console for Kyungsoo's waiting arms. He doesn't give a shit how cramped it is, he squeezes his way onto Kyungsoo's lap, finds his way into the warm safety of his embrace. His sore throat manages a sob, scratchy and loud in the quiet of the night. Kyungsoo hushes him, holds him, pets a reassuring hand over his back and whispers soothing words in his ear.

With Kyungsoo holding him tight, Baekhyun cries. He cries, cries until the tears stop coming and all he can do is shake and try to catch his breath as he dry sobs into the tears and drool soaking Kyungsoo's shoulder.

Eventually, when his breathing is normal and he can manage to get his limp limbs to actually move on command, he pulls back to look Kyungsoo in the eyes. He knows he owes him an explanation, knows he needs to talk to him, tell him what happened, but his mouth only opens and closes soundlessly as words refuse to make their way out.

Kyungsoo gives him a small smile, kisses him on his wet, salty cheek, and says "Don't worry about talking just yet. Want me to piggyback you inside?"

Baekhyun wipes the last clinging tears from his eyes, giggling lightly and nodding.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Inside, in the quiet safety of their home, Kyungsoo softly drops Baekhyun down on the couch from his back and pulls the fluffy blanket off of the back to wrap around him. Baekhyun pulls it tight over his shoulders, nuzzling his nose in to smell the light scent of laundry detergent. Kyungsoo leans down, bumping their foreheads together before asking quietly "Is it okay if I check on your wrist?" 

Baekhyun, instead of agreeing, simply flops his arm out of the blanket and toward Kyungsoo, who catches it and pulls it to himself carefully.

He inspects the indents left over thoroughly, squinting in concentration even through his thick glasses, before he nods and says "The skin isn't broken," He sighs in relief as he presses the lightest kiss, like the batting of butterfly wings, to the area.

Bakehyun nods, sniffs a little. Kyungsoo reaches out, gently cupping his cheek and running his thumb slowly along the soft roundness of it as he hums sympathetically. 

"I'm going to go get a few things from around the house, okay? I won't be gone long. When I'm back, how about we start up a movie?" Kyungsoo suggests. Baekhyun smiles a little at the thought of it and nods. Kyungsoo's thumb leaves one last swipe over his cheek before he departs, Baekyun watching him go until he can't see him anymore. He closes his eyes, listening to the background noise of Kyungsoo shuffling about the house, gathering things. He hears the crack of the ice tray, water running. Hears the door to their bedroom open, Kyungsoo searching through the room, then the door sliding shut. The cabinet doors closing with a quiet click.

Soon enough, Kyungsoo's sock muffled steps make their way back to the living room, and Baekhyun cracks his eyes open sluggishly to see his arms full of a variety of things. Baekhyun's water bottle is the first thing handed to him from Kyungsoo's grasp, and he gulps the cool liquid down quickly and thankfully, soothing his raw throat.

"Don't drink it too fast, you'll make your stomach hurt. Sips, baby," Kyungsoo says, soft and kind, as he sits the rest of the items down on the coffee table. Baekhyun sees an ice pouch, condensation rolling down the cute pattern of polar bears and onto the hand towel placed beneath it. A couple of his favorite snacks join the lineup. 

His box of stim toys is the last thing left, and is put down on the floor by Baekhyun's side of the couch, a pair of soft pajama pants folded on top. With Kyungsoo's arms free, Baekhyun reaches his own up, pleading for contact. Kyungsoo gives it to him, scoops him up tight as he sinks down onto the couch beside him. Baekhyun wraps the blanket around them both, tucks himself into Kyungsoo's collarbone. In the safe warmth and darkness Kyungsoo and the blanket provide, he feels secure enough to utter a soft and sincere "I love you," into the collar of Kyungsoo's shirt.

Kyungsoo coos, deep and tinged with fondness. "I love you too, Baekhyun. So fucking much."

 

~ ~ ~

 

Later into the night finds them still curled up on the couch, Baekhyun absentmindedly playing with Kyungsoo's fingers. He hasn't bitten his nails as much lately, ragged stubs having grown in smooth and neat. He steals a glance at Kyungsoo, shocked to find the man's soft, dark eyes already trained on him. Baekhyun quickly turns his attention back to the hand in his own.

Kyungsoo waits quietly, can tell Baekhyun wants to say something. He lets the chew necklace fall from between his teeth, settling on his sternum with a thump. He breathes in, opens his mouth to speak, and closes it again. Licks his lips nervously.

"Earlier..." he trails off, eyes meeting Kyungsoo's for a moment before flitting down to the collar of his shirt.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I know that had to be scary to deal with. I shouldn't have gone out today, should've known this would happen-" 

"Baek," Kyungsoo cuts him off gently but firmly. "Baby, you don't need to apologize for that. Whatever negative thoughts you're having right now, please try to let them go," he squeezes Baekhyun's hand reassuringly. "I know how badly you've been missing everyone, it makes sense you would've gone out despite feeling bad. You couldn't have known how today would end, it's okay."

Baekhyun sucks on his lip, listening.

Kyungsoo continues. "You know I love you, no matter what. All of your bad days all of my bad days together could never outweigh even one of the good days we've spent together," he says, soft but serious. "I would never think less of you, just as you would never think less of me." 

Baekhyun's lip wobbles. "I love you too, Soo. A-and. And I know that it's just," he pauses and takes a breath. "It's humiliating. I could have asked for help at- at any point but I didn't. I couldn't accept what was happening, and things got bad because I was stubborn." He squeezes his left eye shut, then his right, huffs and adjusts his position on the couch before he opens them again. Kyungsoo rubs a thumb over his knuckles to show him he's still listening.

"I know it's ridiculous, but I feel like I did something bad every time I melt down," he whispers, and Kyungsoo's heart nearly breaks in half. "Like I'm really as disgusting as everyone said." 

When Baekhyun sniffs sadly, Kyungsoo draws his slouched body close to himself, holds him tight to his chest like he can protect him from the entire world. Gods, how he wishes he could. Baekhyun clings to him, and Kyungsoo presses a kiss to the top of his head, smooths a hand down the back of his hair comfortingly.

"It's not ridiculous, I'm sorry they made you feel that way. But just know that nothing about you is or ever will be disgusting, Baek. Your body does what it needs to do when it's overwhelmed, you shouldn't feel ashamed for something you have no control over."

Baekhyun leans up, places his forehead to Kyungsoo's, and looks at him with wide eyes, vulnerability practically painted over his features. "I love you so fucking much Kyungsoo. You have no clue how grateful I am to have someone as amazing as you in my life," he says as a stray tear traces over his round cheek.

Kyungsoo cradles the sides of Baekhyun's face between his hands, stops the tear in its tracks with a swipe of his thumb, and fits their lips together tenderly. He kisses Baekhyun with all of the love he has in his chest, holds him gently and hopes Bakehyun can tell how he feels. When Kyungsoo pulls back, he's looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

"I think I have an idea," Kyungsoo says with a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! if you want to talk about anything, you can find me on twitter and tumblr under the username hushyeol ♡


End file.
